Archives For Conflict

Love Busters

Love Busters


I have observed over the years that when marriages fall apart, there are typically a few common denominators.

For instance, in my last post I recommended a book, His Needs, Her Needs, that addressed the problem of not doing the positive things that need to be done in a marriage.

In the book I am recommending today, the focus shifts to the negative side. In other words, there are some negative behaviors that destroy romantic love.

Now that is not all that hard to figure out.  If I yell at my dog, he cowers as if our relationship is suffering.  So how can I expect an angry outburst in my marriage not to have some sort of detrimental effect?

To make matters worse, if I initiate a negative behavior, I am going to have to work extra hard to offset it with at least five positive behaviors.  Perhaps that is why marriage is such hard work.

In our first house my brother came over to help me in the attic and stepped through the ceiling.  It took more time and effort to repair the ceiling compared to the help he provided.

In marriage, our destructive habits are very hard to overcome.  In fact, many stay in negative territory.

That is the issue Willard Harley addresses in his book Love Busters.  While it is a great book, it won’t do you any good if you are not honest with yourself.  I have watched couples have angry outbursts, and then deny it.

While it would be easy to simply list the destructive behaviors addressed in the book, my fear is that you might avoid the book.

But this is a book that any marriage can profit from.  For some marriages it should be purchased right away.  Get the book, read it, and Overcome the Habits that Destroy Romantic Love (Subtitle).

grandfather grandson foreheadFootball season is over and most of the talk shows have lost their pizzaz.  Why are talk shows so popular which feature two guys arguing their differences of opinions?

Conflict.  Simple as that.  We all love conflict. What has given conflict a bad rap is the amount of disrespect that tends to come with it.

My daughter Savannah took some sports classes in college and one of her assignments was to keep up with what was being talked about.

So she became an avid watcher of First Take.  Two guys vehemently disagreeing, but at the same time, a total absence of disrespect.  That is the secret sauce.  And she absolutely loved the show.

The Bible offers this healthy, practical advice; Show proper respect to all people. 1 Peter 2:17 (NIV)

When you have conflict with disrespect you have drama.  And while drama may be popular on TV, it doesn’t play well in real life.

So the next time you find yourself in the middle of a conflict acknowledge the value of the other person and act accordingly.

Actually you will enjoy it more.  Conflict without disrespect.  Try it!