Archives For Anger

CheckmateAs another football season is about to begin, training camps are opening up.

However, there is one star Running Back who will not be in camp.

In 2014 Ray Rice was caught on video punching his wife–fiancee at the time–in an elevator. As the video went viral, the Baltimore Ravens were essentially forced to cut him from the team. Also, because of the despicable act the NFL also banned him for a period of time. Now that the ban is over, teams are not that likely to reinstate him.

All because of one foolish act.

One. Foolish. Act.

For Ray Rice it cost him millions of dollars. Let that sink in. Millions. That is costly.

And to some degree we have all paid a price for a particular act. Usually they are small things, like sleeping through our alarm one morning or eating too much during the holidays or even getting a speeding ticket.

But what about the more serious “foolish acts”?

Things that impact your entire life and derail you from the path you had planned to take.   Some things can even destroy your dreams.

I’ve witnessed the fallout of a happy marriage when a one-night stand destroyed it all.  Or what about the single Tweet that cost a young college-grad her job before it even started.  Or the person who didn’t get a promotion because of something posted on Facebook.

Many will have to watch their hopes and dreams crumble because of one foolish act. Sad.  Ray Rice is one of them.

Did you know the Bible tells about a person who could only look at his dream from a distance?  It was Moses.

In Deuteronomy 34:4 it says, “And the Lord said to him, “This is the land of which I swore to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, ‘I will give it to your offspring.’ I have let you see it with your eyes, but you shall not go over there.”

Why?  Because of one foolish act during Moses’ time leading Israel to the Promised Land. Water was scarce and the people were complaining. If you are a parent and have ever traveled a long distance with your kids, perhaps you can relate a little.

At any rate Moses was human and lost his patience. In fact, he got angry. However, despite the circumstances Moses still needed to obey the LORD.

And the LORD had told Moses to speak to the rock.

But that’s not what happened.  “Then Moses and Aaron gathered the assembly together before the rock, and he said to them, “Hear now, you rebels: shall we bring water for you out of this rock?” And Moses lifted up his hand and struck the rock with his staff twice, and water came out abundantly, and the congregation drank, and their livestock.”  (Numbers:20:10-11 ESV).

While it may seem like a small thing to hit the rock rather than speak to the rock, it was still an act of rebellion. Plus when you look more closely it appears to the people that Moses was the provider of water. After all, he is the one who hit the rock.

Had he spoken to the rock and water came out it would have been obvious that the LORD was the provider.

Because Moses that day, in a moment of anger, acted rashly and brought attention and honor to himself, he had to suffer the consequences.  God took it seriously, and that one foolish act proved to be very costly.

So stay alert in your decisions and your actions. Be aware of oncoming temptations. Don’t be sidelined by one foolish act.

WeddingThis summer I will be officiating three weddings.  During premarital counseling, the topic of love always surfaces. Is love simply a feeling, or is it an action — something you do? What does love look like?  I Corinthians 13 gives a pretty good definition.

1.  Love is patient.
2.  Love is kind.
3.  Love does not envy.
4.  Love does not boast and is not proud.
5.  Love is not rude.
6.  Love is not easily angered.
7.  Love does not keep a record of wrongs.
8.  Love always looks for the good.

Sounds like some good stuff to blog about and live out.

So, How’s your love life?

iStockWordsHave you ever thought about the power and impact of your words. No doubt we have all shared many that we wish we hadn’t.

As little kids we were taught, Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

Wow! Who thought that one up? And who passed that rhyme along? There is absolutely no truth in it, yet it gets repeated continually.

We all know it’s a lie. Words do hurt. We have been hurt by words. Right now you are recalling some hurtful words that were said to you.

Perhaps you are also recalling words that you said. It’s too late to take them back. Yes, you wish you could. But once they come out there is no taking back.

Plus they are rarely forgotten. Sadly, some we take all the way to the grave.

Many are said due to anger. We allow anger to take over and we let the words fly. Later we apologize, but the damage is done.

In 2 Samuel 16:5-14 David has lost the throne and is on his way out of town. One of his enemies, Shimei, berates him. His criticism of David goes over the top. There are some relational issues going on as Shimei was from the tribe of Benjamin just like Saul. Saul is now dead, but Shimei is still loyal to Saul, not David.

Time moves on. In 1 Kings 2:8-10 David comes toward the end of his life and gives his son Solomon some final counsel. Here David recounts the hurtful words Shimei leveled against him years earlier.

Those words still hurt. David had not forgotten them.

He took those hurtful words all the way to the grave. That’s sad. Perhaps even in your own life, perhaps even in your marriage you have said some words that you can’t take back.

We have all said things we wish we hadn’t. It’s time to move on. From here on out you can do a couple of things.

1. Stop. You don’t have to immediately say what has come into your mind.

2. Think. Not everything has to be said. Some things are better left unsaid. That little zinger you want to let fly will add nothing to the relationship.

3. Multiply. Research suggests that one negative can undo twenty positives. Do you realize now the power of hurtful words?

4. Ask. Is it helpful? Will this help the situation or exasperate it? Am I saying this while I am still upset and angry?

5. Proceed. If it is helpful and you have control over your emotions you will do a much better job communicating.

Just remember, if you fail to do these things your words may very well hurt…all the way to the grave!

 

 

Love Busters

Love Busters


I have observed over the years that when marriages fall apart, there are typically a few common denominators.

For instance, in my last post I recommended a book, His Needs, Her Needs, that addressed the problem of not doing the positive things that need to be done in a marriage.

In the book I am recommending today, the focus shifts to the negative side. In other words, there are some negative behaviors that destroy romantic love.

Now that is not all that hard to figure out.  If I yell at my dog, he cowers as if our relationship is suffering.  So how can I expect an angry outburst in my marriage not to have some sort of detrimental effect?

To make matters worse, if I initiate a negative behavior, I am going to have to work extra hard to offset it with at least five positive behaviors.  Perhaps that is why marriage is such hard work.

In our first house my brother came over to help me in the attic and stepped through the ceiling.  It took more time and effort to repair the ceiling compared to the help he provided.

In marriage, our destructive habits are very hard to overcome.  In fact, many stay in negative territory.

That is the issue Willard Harley addresses in his book Love Busters.  While it is a great book, it won’t do you any good if you are not honest with yourself.  I have watched couples have angry outbursts, and then deny it.

While it would be easy to simply list the destructive behaviors addressed in the book, my fear is that you might avoid the book.

But this is a book that any marriage can profit from.  For some marriages it should be purchased right away.  Get the book, read it, and Overcome the Habits that Destroy Romantic Love (Subtitle).